First let me just say that Obama giving 25 DVD’s that won’t work in British players to the Prime Minister was a pretty steep low that could not be surpassed… OK it was surpassed when Hillary Clinton gave Russia an “overcharge” button. That was probably the lowest moment in American foreign policy since George Bush Sr. threw up on the leader of Japan and everyone else at a dinner table. Now that was a gift!

With that said, I frankly cannot muster any real outrage over Obama’s gift of an iPod to the Queen of England or his lackluster bowing or anything else he did to her majesty. I just don’t care.

Let me state something, there is a very long list of reasons I would never want the job of President of the United States. Chief among them is having to put up with the nonsense of other countries especially their protocols for royalty. I believe strongly in having good manners and adapting to other people when you are in their home and serving them when they are in yours. I go a pretty long way to put up with peoples nonsense just as most people do in their daily lives. I still could not find the strength to put up with the Queen of England.

To me the Queen herself represents everything we as a nation are against. This woman was born into wealth and privilege for no reason. She has never had to prove anything, never had to work hard, she could be the worst person in the world or the best and it wouldn’t matter, that entire nation would put up with her and fund her extravagant lifestyle. I don’t care which arm her purse is on and how it symbolizes her mood, I don’t care about how she needs to be addressed, I wouldn’t for a moment sit in a room with her and have to worry if my clothes clashed with hers. That alone right there disqualifies me for the job of President. I would rather lock myself in the White House and solve problems than waste time dealing with her or any other “royalty” in the world. Give me an elected person, give me someone who took over a nation through a coup, fine. Someone who was born into it, no thank you.

Speaking of sitting in the White House, there is also a very large swath of our globe I would never in a million years travel to. Call me ethnocentric but I just wouldn’t. I’ve been to Mexico and Jamaica and my skin crawled at the thought of eating or drinking anything or touching handles, I wouldn’t even entertain going to the Sudan. I watch the Travel Channel and constantly say aloud ” I would never do that.” As nice as the people might be, there isn’t a section of Africa, China, India or Russia I would spend five minutes in. The only place in the Middle East I would visit is Israel or wherever service members are stationed to thank them; I am not sure I would actually get out of the plane but I would at least try. There are even sections of Europe I wouldn’t want to go.

If I were president every “visit” would land me in Europe, New Zealand, Australia and the better parts of the Caribbean (Where I have spent a good deal of time and still am a little wearisome of). There are parts of this country that have felt all too “sketchy” for me, actually there are parts of the nearest city I wouldn’t go into and have only driven through with my hand constantly checking to ensure the doors were locked.

I also hate giving and receiving gifts with anyone over the age of 18. It isn’t the sentiment, I would buy everyone I know gifts all the time if I were a billionaire. The problem is, I never know what people have or what they want and it is dumb just blindly handing them a coffee mug and some candy. I personally have everything I need or want under $500. There is plenty I want but I don’t expect people to hand me. I also don’t like a lot of junk laying around, I am a complete mess to begin with. I have no ability to organize myself or my things and I don’t want more crap to keep track of. I hate when people buy me things, hand me cash or a gift card fine, crap I never asked for is going to sit in a box until I lose the guilt over throwing it away.

Anyway, I did not run for president, Obama did. For two years of his life the guy begged for this job knowing full well it came with a bunch of restrictions, complications and nonsense like having to deal with foreign dignitaries. There are expensive paintings hanging on every wall of the White House, just grab one and hand it off if you don’t know what to give. I mean, 25 DVD’s? Was Costco out of sweatpants and oven mitts? In the end you wanted this job Mr. President, you can put up with the Queen for us and do it right! I will happily just put on the Sex Pistols and shun the whole bloody system.